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I am the absolute worst.

I haven’t written a blog post in over a month you guys. That is horrible!!  So much has happened and I have so many things I would like to share with you.  I’m writing this post to say I promise the content is coming!  I am in arguably one of the toughest (or easiest depending on how you look at it…I’m trying to figure that part out) transitional moments of my life..graduating and potentially being done with school forever and figuring out what my next moves are.  Knowing me I’m probably making it way harder and more stressful than it should be (because if y’all didn’t know, I am the queen of frazzling) but to me the vast amount of opportunities and directions of the future although exciting are quite daunting at the moment.  Blah blah blah blah I’m done giving my excuses now, I pledge to be better!  I’m sad because I recently updated my phone software and lost a decent amount of my notes which is where I keep all of my lists (in addition to my title as queen of frazzling I also hold the title queen of lists) and I lost all of my content I planned to share with you guys 🙁 a lot of the really important things I was able to store in my trusty noggin so those should be coming your way soon.  Also coming your way soon, I’m trying to gear up all of my creative projects and energy because I’m feeling especially inspired lately (probs all the pre-adulthood angst) so be looking out for new music things too!  So in this post that I wrote to apologize for making you wait, I am asking you to wait some more.  Have I mentioned yet that I am the absolute worst?  Please take these pictures of Pontes sleeping as forgiveness offerings, and TALK TO YOU VERY SOON I PROMISE.

A close up of a light gray striped kitten sleeping on a white blanket

A bengal kitten curled up and sleeping on a red blanket

A light gray kitten sleeping with its paw outstretched on a red blanket with an empty plastic juice container in the background

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“In New York you’ve got to have all the luck.”

 

Charles Bukowski wrote that in his collection of underground newspaper columns entitled “Notes of a Dirty Old Man.” You guys..Tuesday, I was in Manhattan and I had no luck whatsoever.  I might even go as far to say that I had negative amounts of luck.  I’m sure you’ve had those days, days that you need to go really well but they manage to go really horrible despite everything that you do?  For me this was Tuesday.

I’m going to sum things up pretty quick and just kind of layout the events for you in a quick, easy to read schedule of events.

 

8:00AM: I wake up after having some nervous dreams about the days events. PHEW thank God those were just dreams, am I right?  Let me just check the train times to make sure I will be on schedule for the morning’s events and save myself enough time so I’m not late.

9:30AM: Omg this new outfit you bought yesterday is PERFECT.  Business casual is SO cute, whose idea was it for women to wear heels with tight skirts that make your butt look amazing? And guys in suits? Don’t even get me started.

10:30AM: What the…the parking garage is full?  Why is it so crowded? Wait…omg. It’s St. Patrick’s Day!!! I had no idea this was such a big deal it’s a Tuesday???  Shouldn’t these people be at work??  Ugh now I have to park all the way across the street and I still need to pay for parking AND buy my tickets? Gah good thing I decided to wear flats and not heels.

10:40AM: Phew! I made it on the train. I am in my seat, and I even had time to get some water and a snack.  I feel bad for the lady that I outran to get here.  We were in it together from the parking situation but, I had to make sure I got on this train. I can’t be late.  Am I too competitive? Oh look!  There she is getting on the train now with her friend! Yes! We made it! We did it!!! I’m on my way! Now to go over my research for these interviews..

12:50PM: Okay…um…I guess it’s because the drunk people took too long at all of the stops but my train is just now pulling in?  I’m going to be late for my interview in ten minutes. Should I still take the subway??  My phone says a cab will be faster..it’ll cost me a little extra but paying $7 instead of $2.50 for the subway will be worth it if I’m on time.  Oh no. Did I? I couldn’t have..nope. Yep. Definitely just started my period.

30 minutes and a $2o cab ride later…

1:20PM: OMG I can’t believe this I’m late, Ugh . Okay Air you can’t get frazzled you have to keep it together. Alright take a deep breath, you got this. *opens doors to enter establishment and begin interview*

1:40PM: Okay, that wasn’t too bad.  You kept the frazzle mostly to a minimum, but you still frazzled..this could be a toss-up. Sigh, do like your girl TSwift said and Shake it Off! You have another interview in like..20 minutes!  You’ve prepped for this all week! You’re ready! You want this!  Now to just get to your subway.

1:45PM: Woo! That wasn’t too bad!!  Wait..that’s your train that just pulled up. And it’s on the other side of the tracks. You needed that to be on time!  You just have to sprint to another station!  It’s okay you got this!

*trips up stairs and rips skirt*

1:55PM: Great. Your lost. You think this is the right way but you’re not really sure…and ugh. There’s no way you’re calling a cab again.  How could you be so dumb?  The train was right there and you were just on the other side of the tracks.  Now you’re late AGAIN. Fight the hormones and choke back the tears..oh God this is impossible okay just try to only cry a little then..

Approximately 1:58ishPM: random dude “Hey! You dropped something…!” *I look back to see nothing* “…my number! Oh please take it please call me please!” baaaahahah okay phew. You’re def not gonna cry now that was pretty hilarious, and upon reflection, doesn’t make any sense at all. Thanks weird street guy!

2:10PM: Finally. At the station. WAIT! OMG!! Your 2nd interview is at 2:30 not 2!!!  There’s still hope for this day yet!  You’re gonna kill this!

2:11PM: “Attention, those looking to take the A Train downtown, there are delays at 125th Street due to a medical emergency.” -__-

2:20PM: “The A Train is now 2 stations away” -__________-

2:30PM: *Train pulls up* -________________________________-

2:40PM: *Sprints into the hotel where meeting is located, out of breath and tardy and probably sweating a little*

After that the rest is pretty much history. I proceeded to have, probably the worst interview of my entire life. Despite all my efforts to remain calm and keep it together, I stuttered and stumbled over all of my words and ideas as I felt every thought or thing I had planned to say evaporate quickly into a dark abyss. I shook hands with my interviewer and slipped away to the staircase where I immediately began bawling and averted my eye contact away from the kind doorman who had just directed my steps 30 minutes before. I walked around Manhattan and ventured back underground into its belly where I let it swallow up me and my seemingly endless tears. Manhattan had just eaten me alive. After being chewed on a bit, I was deemed indigestible and was spit up back at 42nd St, with just enough time to grab a giant sprinkle cookie from Zaro’s and catch a seat on the very full train out of the city.

“In New York, we’re out of road salt.  So for the next big storm they have to use parmesan cheese.”

David Letterman said that on his late show once.  That doesn’t really make any sense to me or apply to my situation at all except for the fact that I feel like it’s just another New York thing I don’t get.  Or maybe just a life thing I don’t get.  If I learned anything today, I realized I have so much to learn about life; and, no matter how much I want to be able to plan for things, I can’t plan for everything.  I know that I believe there is some kind of huge plan for my life that is completely out of my control, so I’m just going to sit back and relax and enjoy the ride knowing that even when I think I’m running out of road salt, I have some parmesan cheese saved up somewhere that’s gonna come through and save me.

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